I’ve always considered myself to be a Christian. I really knew nothing else. I believed because my parents taught me to believe. I was baptized in the Serbian Orthodox Church. I served as an altar boy and drove my Baba and Dzedo (grandma and grandpa) to church when they were no longer able to do so themselves. I played on St. Steven’s basketball and softball teams, and bowled in our church league.

To the St. Steven’s community, I was engaged, obedient and faithful. It was, at best, dishonest.

In looking back, I never really had a relationship with God. I never asked why I should believe. I never sought the evidence of God’s existence, nor His plan for my salvation. I think perhaps that is because my parents – like their parents and, probably, their parents’ parents – never felt the need to confirm the reality of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. It just was.

Yes, I attended Sunday School…occasionally. But the lessons always seemed to focus on the big stories of the Bible. Adam and Eve. Noah’s ark. David and Goliath. And, of course, the birth of Jesus Christ. After all, that’s why we had Christmas.

But my lack of questioning – of seeking – deprived me of a real relationship with God for most of my life.

I became what I often refer to as a Christian of convenience and rationalization. I was a Christian when it suited my selfish ambitions – and I simply rationalized my misbehavior if it did not. God was a distant figure. I was neither obedient or accountable to Him. Had I remained on that path, well, I’d rather not think about it.

God, in His immense goodness, rescued me at a time of bitter anguish. He allowed me, in the poor exercise of my own free will, to fall into a state of utter despair, knowing that I could escape only through His mercy and His love. He forced my hand, making me so desperate that there was no alternative except to pray for His intervention.

Praise God, He intervened. But that’s another story.

My life began anew. His word and His will became my passion. I found that as my knowledge of God was deepened, I became more obedient to His word. And my love for Him also grew – as it did for others.

One thing I learned quickly was that while God made it possible for us to be saved by sacrificing His Son on the Cross, He doesn’t make it effortless to truly know Him. Instead, He wants us to constantly seek Him.

I sought.

For the first time in my life, I read through the Bible. Again. And again. And again. And I learned that my pastor’s admonition about the Bible was absolutely true: that one cannot have an intimate relationship with God without immersing oneself in His word.

But I also discovered that the Bible contains all of the proof of God’s existence that I could ever want. The deeper the immersion, the more obvious the truth. My emotions were mixed – exhilarated that my eyes were opened, but remorseful that its love and beauty were so late in coming.

I am not a biblical scholar. I am a devoted but nascent student of the word. But I suspect I now possess more biblical knowledge than the “average Joe.”

Why this blog? My purpose is to satisfy the duties imputed to me in Psalm 40, verse 10:

“I have not hidden Your righteousness within my heart; I have declared Your faithfulness and Your salvation; I have not concealed Your lovingkindness and Your truth from the great assembly.”

You, reader, are my great assembly. My foremost hope is to reach those who doubt, those who rationalize, and those who simply want more. I shall endeavor to share that which convinces me beyond all doubt that God not only lives, but that the Bible is His inerrant Word – the Way, the Truth and the Life. Please help me fulfill those duties.